Self Compassion: The Sniper in our Minds
Comes a time in life when we can no longer handle the insidious, crushing stories fed to our consciousness from our reptile, subconscious brain.
That inner critic voice (which swings from worry to doubt back to worry then back to doubt) is rooted in fear, our basic primal function of making sure we are paying attention to our surroundings and staying out of harm’s way. But we see what happens when fear takes over all conscious decisions and ends up crushing us into ourselves, and that is no way to live.
Simply surviving is not the same as living and thriving, and if we want to be able to thrive throughout our lives, we have to practice the muscle of self compassion. This is non-negotiable.
Self compassion is one of our strongest tools in our toolbox yet it is often associated with softness and fragility, things we do not favor when going to battle (in this case, battling our own demons aka the inner critic). I like to see it as a sniper or ninja, a silent and thankless operator doing what it does best, and taking on the biggest challenges we face: our mindset (and don’t get me started on the strength in staying soft… a conversation for another time).
Self compassion is telling the truth. Often, it is hard for us to admit to fault or the truth about a situation because we quickly couple the truth with critic voice: “I didn’t stay on task this week and finish this work document (telling the truth) … and that means I’m [lazy], [stupid], [never going to be good enough for this job] (inner critic judgment)”. When we separate those two things, we see that the truth can stand on its own, without an analysis or judgment of it. It is just a fact. It’s tempting to criticize and judge ourselves, because we feel more in control when we think we know what’s going on. We feel good when we feel in control. So ironically, it can feel “normal” to be hard on ourselves!.
Watch: How To Overcome Toxic Shame with Peter A. Levine
We can start to develop the muscle of self compassion by paying attention to our inner dialogue. When you catch yourself being self-critical, fact check it: what’s true about the situation, and what is your own judgment or evaluation of it? Separate those from each other and practice telling the truth only. We can achieve this by adopting the practice of compassion journaling.
This is a powerful and introspective practice that helps you cultivate self-compassion by writing down your thoughts and feelings in a compassionate and non-judgmental way. It's a form of expressive writing that encourages self-reflection and self-kindness. Here's how you can get started:
Set Up Your Journal: Begin by obtaining a journal or notebook that you'll dedicate to your self-compassion practice. Choose one that you find visually appealing and enjoyable to write in.
Select a Consistent Time: Choose a specific time each day or week to write in your journal. Consistency can help make the practice more effective.
Create a Safe Space: Find a quiet and comfortable place where you won't be interrupted. Creating a safe and nurturing environment is important for self-compassion journaling.
Date Your Entries: Start each journal entry by dating it. This can help you track your progress and observe any patterns in your self-compassion journey.
Express Your Feelings: Begin writing about your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. You can write about your challenges, fears, doubts, or moments when you feel inadequate or self-critical.
Practice Self-Compassion: As you write about your experiences, respond to them with self-compassion. Treat yourself as you would treat a close friend. Here are some self-compassionate prompts to help guide your writing:
What is causing me distress or self-criticism right now?
How would I comfort and reassure a friend going through a similar situation?
What are some kind and understanding words I can offer myself in this moment?
Reflect and Reassure: After writing about your difficulties, reflect on your self-compassionate response and reassure yourself that it's okay to feel the way you do. Remind yourself of your common humanity – that everyone experiences pain and challenges.
Gratitude: You can also include a section for gratitude in your journal. Write down things you are grateful for to promote positive emotions and reinforce self-compassion.
Celebrate Progress: Periodically review your journal entries to see how your self-compassion practice is evolving. Celebrate your progress and acknowledge any positive changes in your self-talk and emotional well-being.
Be Patient: Remember that self-compassion is a skill that takes time to develop. It's normal to have days where self-compassion comes more easily and other days where self-criticism prevails. Be patient and persistent in your practice.
Additional Techniques: You can also incorporate other self-compassion techniques into your journaling, such as writing compassionate letters to yourself, visualizing a nurturing and supportive figure, or practicing loving-kindness meditation in written form.
Remember that self-compassion is not about being self-indulgent or avoiding personal growth. It's about being kind and understanding with yourself while working on your personal development. Over time, self-compassion can lead to greater resilience, emotional well-being, and healthier relationships with yourself and others.
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