The Contribution of Letting Go

A friend of mine is a painter who dreams of living off of his art full time, and becoming successful financially, artistically and in the social art world. His wings are pining to soar, and he is clear on what he wants to do to get started: sign with an agent who can represent him in the major galleries in LA.

That agent who will get him to new heights is not his current agent.

“The fine art world is like family”, he’ll explain to me. “And I’ve been with this agent for so many years, she relies on me, and she’s gotten me this far. I can’t just abandon her”.

So often, we choose to stay in a dynamic that is no longer serving us, in order to avoid disappointing others, perhaps because we feel responsible for their wellbeing. When we’re busy focusing on our departure from a certian dynamic as someone’s loss, then we’re ignoring a large portion of the truth that exists when we choose to leave: the contribution that we are able to make to others, and growth that we can naturally lean into for ourselves.

Hear me out… Letting go of others is, in truth, generously giving them a huge gift: the opportunity to fill in the space that you left with whatever they want. That invites them to grow (the keyword here is whatever “THEY” want, not what it is that you want for them. It’s not for you to decide). We don’t have their answers, or get to do their work for them. Most of the time, we hold onto a grandious idea of how much we are needed in other people’s lives, but the truth is that all humans are resourceful creatures… without your presence, the other person or people in the old collaboration or relationship will find their way forward. So what is really holding you back from moving on?

Hint: it has nothing to do with the person or people external of yourself. It your own belief system that’s getting in the way. Choosing to believe that you’re abandoning someone rather than choosing yourself and offering an opportunity for adaption and growth on the other end.

To address this within yourself, I suggest finding the line between your “stuff” and another person’s “stuff”. This is in context to what we are responsible for (our own actions, behaviors, thoughts, feelings) and what we are not responsible for (how other people act, their choices, their behaviors, and processing their feelings). Stay on your side of that line and allow others to stay on theirs, for a clean and clear balance in any relationship.

When my painter friend finally sat down to have a chat with his current agent, they found that their future career visions weren’t quite as aligned as they had once been, and they were grateful for the check in and clarity that came from facing a perceivably hard conversation. My painter friend is now in courtship with two other agents in the LA area, and his old agent is launching an entirely new business focused around vintage clothing subscription boxes. Moral of the story; let people go, and let yourself and others grow.

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